4 Subtle Signs That Might Make You Seem Selfish, Even When You Think You're Being Kind

- Do you know the feeling when you leave a conversation confident that you did well, only to later realize that people seemed a bit strange?

Yeah, me too. It's like realizing you have spinach in your teeth all day. Embarrassing, but it can be fixed once you know about it.

Here is the problem: most of us unintentionally act selfishly. We often think that we are being friendly, even helpful. But sometimes our good intentions are misunderstood, and we end up appearing as people who always make everything about themselves.

After making this mistake for decades (and watching others do it), I have noticed some patterns. This subtle behavior can make even the friendliest person seem selfish without them realizing it. Quoted from geediting on Tuesday (4/11), here are the signs:

1. You turn every conversation into a story about yourself

Have you ever noticed how some conversations feel like a verbal ping-pong game, except one person keeps throwing and never lets the other one hit back? That was me once.

True relationships are formed when you allow others to have their own moments. Ask follow-up questions. Show genuine interest.

Save your story for moments when the story truly adds value, not just because it is related.

2. You constantly give advice without being asked

"Have you tried...?" might be the most annoying sentence in English when no one is asking for your opinion.

I learned this the hard way with my oldest daughter. When she chose a university, I had many opinions. Every conversation became a lecture from me about why she should choose this major or that school. I thought I was helping, sharing my wisdom.

She thought I was controlling and dismissing her evaluation.

Spoiler alert: she is correct.

Sometimes people just want to complain. They want to be listened to, not fixed. Unless someone explicitly asks for your advice, it's probably best to just listen.

3. You cut off a person's conversation in the middle of a sentence

This is cunning because we often interrupt conversations with enthusiasm, not with malicious intent. Someone is telling a story, and you are so excited that you interject with your own thoughts before they finish.

My wife reprimanded me about this during one of our counseling sessions years ago. She was explaining something, and I interrupted with what I thought was a useful clarification or agreement. It only made her feel that I didn't value what she was saying enough to let her finish.

If you find yourself formulating your response while others are still speaking, you are not really listening. You are just waiting for your turn to speak.

4. You rarely ask follow-up questions

This is a quick test: after someone shares something with you, what is your first instinct? If your instinct is to share your own similar experience rather than asking more about their experience, there may be an issue here.

Good conversation is like a good interview. They are built on curiosity. "Tell me more about it" or "How did you feel at that time?" show that you are interested in their experience, not just using it as a starting point for your own story.

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